Diary of a Gay Dad. I am a full time dad to five young children.

Easter Egg hunt, cancelled. Daddy and Dadda, raised voices. The children, all now sat besides the television (it’s 3.30pm), relatively quietly, in their Jim jams. Caleb and Daddy, back off to the hospital (25 miles away) for a long wait at A&E. Reason being a sopping wet plaster cast. An ever bigger pile of laundry sat in the kitchen. This morning the terrace was tidied and manicured. This afternoon, world war three has left us its scarred battlefield. Tara looking most guilty for the quagmire of water, sand and mud. Sunday, slow roast shoulder of lamb and roast potatoes, cancelled. They’re now quiet. The bliss of that! Though more words might be said by Daddy in a raised voice in a few hours on their return from hospital. I was sunbathing on the lawn for 30 minutes. They were playing on the terrace. John went inside for 20 minutes to make a few phone calls. What he returned to – complete disaster. After Thursdays events with the three little ones destroying the ceilings on two separate floors with water, yes water again played it’s part in today’s cancelling of ‘ A Fun Day’. I’ll make them all sandwiches when John returns, then an early night for all five of them. Five, all under the age of six does has its drawbacks. An older chap or chapette might just lead them with a little more caution than ‘Tara’s enthusiasm’ does at present. That’s all for today. Happy Holidays to All xx

Another ‘Look In’ on my time spent away from home in order for our family to become whole. These final five months were spent on the roof of the world, in Kathmandu, Nepal. On this occasion, I was unable to leave my family at home entirely. So this meant a very costly commute between both Nepal and ‘The Shires’. I would spend two weeks here and two weeks there.

There are no longer direct flights from European cities to Kathmandu. I think that this was due to a number of bad piloting errors landing at Kathmandu. So a non European carrier either to Delhi or one of the Middle Eastern states such as Dubai were the order of the day. Then I would take a connecting flight from there.

Obviously I could only share my time between two places if I had a very trustworthy child carer in Nepal. And at that time, not knowing any Nepali people meant looking slightly further afield for help. It was our first nanny, Bharti (from Mumbai) I asked to help look after Aaliyah and Caleb. She agreed and brought with her Rekha, a childhood friend. They were both a massive help with caring for the twins in my absence. I thank them both for being there.

Once again the Home Office did little to assist us with our passport applications. These were the months following the ‘Big’ earthquake in Kathmandu. There were still the occasional, smaller quakes . These were very frightening at times I remember. The Foreign Office were also not fit for purpose. All they did was avoid helping us. Five long months of senseless waiting – even after a DNA test conducted at Kings College Hospital proving parental connection to the children. Did I say that US citizens would be home with a child born through Surrogacy abroad within two weeks! Just the DNA test was enough to prove parental rights and the Surrogacy agreement with the clinic proved the intention of the said pregnancy. Anyhow, enough said. Five more big, bright full moons passed before Aaliyah and Caleb could call themselves ‘British Citizens’.

This memory of my time in beautiful Nepal is not about the specifics, rather just a fleeting moment of nostalgia. My full memoirs are of course part of the story of ‘Eighteen Moons’ (available through Amazon Kindle).

My entry that was written for yesterday’s goings on was interrupted with Caleb falling from Tara’s bed whilst his arm was between the slats at the side. I will rewrite some of what I was going to say. Well, what can I say! The little ones were having their afternoon nap, though I could still hear their shouting and running around, (laughing) on the wooden floors at the top of the house. Long gone are those magical moments of story time before sleepy bye byes etc. Their characters now so concrete, personalities apparent.

Writing this last night, I was again interrupted. Caleb had his moment, please note my earlier entry. I am now going to return to the original story: There was a good 30 minutes of commotion after lunchtime yesterday. I gave the three little ones the benefit of doubt. This I later learnt was at my peril. Tara went upstairs and came back down saying ‘Dadda, they have been very naughty – they have made a mess’. This they have done several times in the past, so I imagined that I would just venture up to the top floor and pickup all of the toys and clothing that would have been lying around. I waited for a few minutes to react. Suddenly I heard a cascade of water coming from John and my bedroom. I immediately jumped to attention and bolted up the stairs.

There certainly was a steady flow of water coming through the light fixture. I bolted up the second flight of stairs. Aaliyah heard me and made her retreat to her bed, leaving the boys, a sink, a running tap, several sopping wet towels and wet clothing scattered to the four corners of their shower room and surround area.

They were naked and running amuck without a care. I shouted lots, so much in fact my throat was later rather sore. All I could do was remove the soaking wet items and mop up the pool besides my bed on the floor below. As I sit in the living room, now the next day, water is still dripping onto the living room floor. I will show you below.

Not the best of days. But thankfully Caleb is well (arm in plaster cast), though my threat of no Chocolate Egg for the little ones today still stands. Amritsar and Tara are gloating.

Caleb arrived home from the hospital at 12.30am with Sindy. He was tired and went straight up to bed. Sindy reassured me that all was well, however she had photographed the X-Ray. I will elaborate below. He must return to the hospital next Thursday to be re X-Ray’d. Please send any ‘Get Well Soon’ cards c/o ‘The Shires’.

It is with much sadness that I write my diary entry today. I was almost finished on the happenings of earlier today, but suddenly the whole dynamic had changed. The shouting upstairs led to me venturing up to the top floor. Caleb had been playing on Tara’s bed, thankfully the bottom of the two bunk beds tonight. Somehow he had fallen off. His coordination isn’t the best as you might recall, but somehow he fell out of the bed with his arm between the slats on the side of the bed. He was very distressed. I diplomatically asked the other children to stay in the bedroom whilst I led him downstairs to calm him down and put a shirt on him. He had removed his pyjamas and it was clear that his arm had been broken. Maybe one third up from his wrist there looked to be about a 15% angle. I’m no doctor but I think that it must be a clean break. John not being here (in London for a leaving do at work), I called our nanny Sindy in complete desperation. She arrived within twenty minutes and is now at the local hospital waiting in A&E. I am awaiting her update. I settled the four remaining children, trying to have that chat about ‘Cause and Effect’. They seem to understand that there are always consequences. But they are all still so little remember. I’m not sure that the little ones do learn from their mistakes as they do want to repeat their (on occasion) bad behaviour again and again. More of an update later. Fingers crossed. I am very saddened by this traumatic day.

Well Tara was besides herself with the falling out of her second tooth late last night. Obviously it was too late for the tooth fairy to come then, so tonight is the big night for our ever elusive, mystical visitor. That would actually be John as I would be far too nervous of waking the sleeping clan as I clambered through their rooms. The big tooth growing behind looks sturdy enough. Goodbye little tooth,

The holidays are zooming by aren’t they? That plus I am not looking forward to four days of Sunday’s. The only pacifier for the children being chocolate eggs. They scoffed on their milk chocolate bunnies yesterday. Just five more chocolate eggs each to munch through. I purchased two each thinking that would be plenty, but then one came back with John from Dublin, Sindy has one and finally Sally and Sonia (Sindy’s sister and mum) have brought one too.

More updates on all of that gorging later.

Well today we had chocolate hobnobs if you hadn’t guessed and not a single cellophane packet was tampered with. These aren’t just any chocolate hobnobs, these are Dadda’s super chunky, melt in the mouth buttery, smooth and velvety, yet crunchy, home made, amazingly oatcakey ‘Chocolate Hobnobs’!

And just a couple of happy, chocolate smeared faces to boot. Cooking with Dadda can be a slightly messy affair with the children when it comes to cakes and chocolate.

4am John gets up and leaves for Dublin to see his mum who is unwell.

6am is a bed invasion and I am called to arms! Thor’s nose is dribbling with snot.

7am Breakfast was had – toast and ‘Dadda’s Jams’. A choice of either Strawlime berry, Black Grapple or Ginger and pumpkin.

8am and we are either watching a movie called Dragons or drawing at he kitchen table. I am tending to Thor’s runny nose.

10am Apples, pears or raisins as a snack. The little ones are playing up. More tissue for Thor.

12 midday lunch of marmite sandwiches and pasta salad. Tesco man arrives, dogs lick him and children play in his crates. They quickly learn how to propel themselves forward by thrusting their shoulders forward. Thor and Caleb sent up to their bedroom for their nap as their playing was way too boisterous.

2pm the boys came down after helping Dadda to clean up a huge mess that they had made in their room. Tara still watching Dragons, now the series (not movie) on Netflix. Amritsar on her iPad (Kindle Fire). A treat of chocolate. The little ones return to the top floor, this time to play. Thor’s nose is still dribbling.

3pm the little ones return. Caleb has flooded their bathroom. Thinking Chair now, where he will stay… Aaliyah has returned upstairs for a jumper. I asked would she help clear up this second round of mess – a flat ‘No Caleb did it’. Thor’s nose is still flowing with snot. She has just returned. I asked if she had cleared up the mess ‘Yes I did Dadda’. ‘Good Girl’ I replied. All is now peaceful. Thor has gone to the kitchen for tissue. Gracie our adorable Dalmatian is snuggling up besides me.

These are the words I found myself saying to Aaliyah earlier. Why you may ask? ‘Dadda I am getting socks – Dadda I am not getting socks, I am getting’!!! And all went silent, she returned to The living room. Then the conversation moved on to ‘give me my pillow back, it’s mine – give it back’. Thor is hammering away on the piano and there are screams to daddy ‘can we go bike riding, please daddy’?

This morning started early. A bed invasion at 6am, home made pancakes, then the chaotic discord commenced! Thor disappeared and came back swaddled in a bed sheet. Baby Thor has reimagined himself yet again. The games children create can be pretty random can’t they?

I am reminded of games played on the top floor on Wednesday when the little ones should have been having my sleep! Sindy went up to wake them at 2pm to find their bathroom floor covered in 2 nappies worth of poo (Thor and Caleb’s) plus half a dispensers worth if hand wash. The boys feet were caked in bubbles and the stinkiest poo ever imagined! They told her that the bubbles made sliding in the poo easier… go figure! Aaliyah slept through all the stinky proceedings. There will no doubt be an update on today’s proceedings later.

There is real love between Aaliyah and our adorable Dalmatian hound Gracie. She really does get overlooked a lot of the time, Gracie that is, not Aaliyah. With Remus’s rather robust behaviour, he is certainly the ‘Top Dog’ in our house. About a year ago, Aaliyah’s traumatic threes kind of slowed down a notch! It is true that I was sending her to the naughty chair rather a lot. Then, as if by magic, her continual antagonism just slowed down. At the same time she started to show our two Dalmatians Remus and Gracie, an awful lot of attention, especially Gracie (a girl thing I guess). Ever since, every day the two can be seen playing from time to time. It’s fascinating to watch as Aaliyah holds grace by the neck with both outstretched arms to minimise the licks and they just play together. Maybe this love can be nurtured into something very positive! Of course her behaviour, Aaliyah’s not Gracies still finds her sat on the naughty chair, but not nearly as much as it used to!

We weren’t prepared. We weren’t organised. Our au pair was ready to throw the towel in. Sara, Johns sister had gone home to Dublin. John himself had a busy workload and was straight back to work. Yet here I was, with a very screamy Thor, feeling himself out of sorts (the long trip home on the airplane and everything was new to him). Our au pair had decided to lock herself in her bedroom complaining of ‘the flue’. It was a Monday and the girls in my absence, had been drafted into a west London preschool by John, in order to free up the mornings for our au pair. She flatly refused to participate, though she had dropped them in that morning. It was a Monday and Sara had left the previous day. The plane brought us home early morning. We arrived back at the flat and John went straight back out the door to work! I just could not believe the shabbiness of the flat. Two toddlers are a lot of work to be sure, but with john so pressured with his work life, our au pair had allowed the flat to become a sorry sight compared to its former glory. The girls toys were stuffed into a chimney breast and the walls were covered with various detritus. General dirt and pencil scribbling, in most rooms. Thor was also screaming and screaming. I found a spoon in the kitchen, besides the microwave that had been left there for some time. I tried to pick it up but the jam on the said spoon had almost crystallised, making it impossible to budge. I managed to sort it out and settle Thor into his baby sling and set off for the preschool to pick up the girls. On my arrival it was lovely to talk to the manager, then a couple of members of staff, who were all knowledgeable about the girls new baby brother, finally coming home. It soon came to the reintroduction! Remember, I had been away from my little angels for five months at the mercy of the Home Office and their scrutiny over baby Thor’s right to a British passport. Thor was quite bemused by his surroundings and I was very apprehensive. Would the girls remember me? I had been with them since their births, right up until the day I left for Thor’s arrival in Thailand. I had missed their second birthday (that was spent in Dublin with the family), they were now toddlers using their very first diction and attempts at conversation. The door of the main play area opened and Thor and I entered. A minute or so before the girls saw me, one of the teachers had gone over to coax them towards me. They looked up, they smiled and then they shouted with glee ‘Dadda, Dadda’ Tara screamed with bliss, then ‘Dadda, Dadda’ Amritsar echoed. It will be remembered as one of my happiest ever moments in life. I welled up but had to take a few deep breaths and start the big introduction to their new baby brother Thor. We were finally reunited, the girls and I, plus there was a new member of the family, baby Thor. Though I felt shattered and realised  that there was a massive job ahead, to organise family life into some kind of order, things were definitely looking up. We were all back together, a family united, as it should be.

Remember that I have never brought politics into this family diary, but I have to admit, I do bare some malice towards the Home Office here in the U.K. As when the girls were conceived, the Home Office  website clearly stated that a passport application for a baby, born through IVF and Surrogacy abroad would take six weeks. That was six months before their births. We looked back at the Home Office website pages every few weeks. Six weeks changed to eight weeks. A little later the same page was updated to three months and finally within a very short timeline, the information had changed to four months, though in our experience of three occasions, the reality was a five month wait. In the USA, children born through international Surrogacy would be Home, with a US passport in just two weeks! Shameful really, isn’t it?

I do scrutinise these changes of passport waiting times in my novel ‘Eighteen Moons’. Believe me, when your own government is seemingly working against you at such a fragile time – it’s a major uphill struggle – and for us it certainly was, at every single juncture. Shame on you – the then Home Secretary ‘Mrs Theresa May’!!!

As with last weeks ‘Look In’ on India with random pictures, I thought that this week we could just take a peek back on some of the time I spent in Thailand. It was difficult being away from John and our beautiful daughters, but my separation was necessary. Though difficult back home, John coped with the help of our au pair and his sister Sara.

The birth of our first son Thor was one of mixed emotions. I was very happy to have finally (biologically) fathered a child, but we did not immediately bond. From the moment of his arrival, he made his presence known in a very vocal way. He was the screamiest of our five children and even today there is seldom a full day when he does not have a least one major breakdown. Though we are very ‘Bonded’ now, those early days were thwart.

Bangkok Street food is amongst the best in the world. A far cry from the ‘Delhi Belly’ moments from the street vendors in Mumbai. Noodles were my staple really. Though our apartment was beside a great supermarket (no longer there). The majority of the 5 months was spent at the ‘Marriott Executive Apartments’ on Langsuan. This time we were not taking any chances, I would live in a decent and safe place. That being said, I hired another nanny Ameena, who helped us through those long first months, estranged from those I loved, back in the U.K. I am still in contact with Ameena and her sisters, all of whom loved little Thor Thor.

A great restaurant that John, Ameena and I took Thor to on the Sukhumvit road (one of the longest roads in the world). A bustling market by day and pop up fish and seafood restaurant by night.

Buddhism being the national religion of Thailand, meant that I saw my fair share of Buddhist monks. At the end of my stay in Thailand I spent the last two weeks listening to evening chants before bedtime. That in itself is another story, I will save that one for a later date.

We finally had to say goodbye to Ameena and here sisters as this picture was taken on our last day in Thailand. John had flown over specially to accompany Thor and I on our homeward journey. At that time I needed his support. I thank you John for that. So there you have it! My five months in Bangkok, Thailand, awaiting Thor’s UK passport. The birthplace of our son Thor.

Maybe a Nostalgic ‘Look In’ on Kathmandu next week…

You might have already guessed the topic of today’s diary blog if you have children. Yes indeed, on this second day of the children’s Easter Break, Thor’s itchy head lead to an investigation by Sindy, our nanny to uncover that there were, what is commonly known as nits, or head lice within our family. A second infestation for us and remedied within an hour as there were two bottles of ‘Hedrin’ in the cupboard. So as soon as they appeared, the little buggers have completely vanished (I hope). Thank you Sindy for your speedy intervention. If this had come at a weekend, I am sure that the drama would have been much, much greater. Don’t Aaliyah and Caleb look most bemused? As for Thor, I think he was the perpetrator – hmmmh…

It’s all about food really, isn’t it? And with regards the children, the sweeter and stickier, the better as far as they are concerned. I earlier mentioned that I started making Jams and confectionery because of a little free time, but I hasten to add that we have never over indulged as a household, in chocolate or sugar. Maybe something in my deepest subconscious mind instigated something that I knew the children would love, even if I did not fully approve? Everything in proportion I think. A life without sugar wound be like a life without salt.

Today was one of the local villages big ‘Easter Egg Hunt’ and that would have been today’s title, however ‘Dadda’s Jams’ took a stall, leaving poor Daddy to traipse around in the mud with the children alone on the hunt for the Easter Egg tokens. Caleb was surprisingly clingy with me, a thing that he in general, is not. But then I got the full picture as part of the stall set up are three bonbon dishes overflowing with home made candies, hmmm, I feel that he was there more for the gluttony of sugary treats than to purely hang out with his Dadda. I thank the lovely people there for a great day out for all of the children, especially those who indulged in the purchase of some of ‘Dadda’s Jams’. A few people prompted me as to why I was making home made Jams and it was interesting to remember that it is largely thanks to the children attending preschool that I have three hours each weekday morning, of free time with which to fill. And Dadda likes to get Jammin’. The next event will undoubtedly be the girls summer fair at big school. Got to get going as Amritsar has started screaming downstairs and has just arrived demanding that I ask Tara to apologise for knocking her over. They were having such fun! She’s now settled as she is wearing my reading glasses and everything looks super BIG. We are all happy now, maybe more from me later.

I have just left John in the company of Tina Turner. Proud Mary is the song presently playing and the lyrics are ‘Rolling down the river’. Worth a blast on Spotify via our smart speaker ‘Hey Google’, that is if you don’t own the 7 inch single! This moment – his moment of glory to celebrate a winner on the Grand National. Was it Tiger Roll who won this year? Yes and £150 in Johns pocket. My £5 each way on Outlander was clearly a flop, mentioned once as being ‘at the rear’, I clearly gave up on the proceedings. This was the children’s first televised horse race and they were clearly not quite ready to be focused and screamed and wriggled around the television at every fence. I can now hear ‘You don’t have to say you love me’ by ‘Transvision Vamp’ wafting through the air.

On another matter – Thor has rejoined the ranks of the countries ‘Young Jedi’ as I managed to fix his light sabre today.

Lots of fun had by all really, though a few moments of grief were had by all as well. Today’s video comes with music courtesy of ‘Jay and The Americans’ and laughs and tickles courtesy of the ‘Not So Famous Five’.

Thor made a light sabre at preschool yesterday and today he thought that he would show me how it worked. Now being such a young Jedi Knight, he was not sure of the immense power that he was wielding. Oops – It’s okay, I promised that we would do our very best to fix it tomorrow morning.

I am finally sat down to make today’s diary entry whilst the children rampage away on the top floor. Our baby sitter Nikki should be arriving soon. The children’s shouting is being slightly muffled by the drone of the ‘dehydrator’, currently doing its work on two pineapples, chopped and frozen sometime last autumn, freeing up some space in the chest freezer. It is a bit full at the moment, so ‘let’s get eating’! I’m looking forward to a ‘Platter de fruit de mer’ (shellfish) tomorrow night. Just doing my bit to slim down the contents of the said chest freezer. Tonight however, we are dining at a restaurant in Highclere, near Highclere castle, the home of lord and lady Carnarvon, probably made more famous as ‘Downton Abbey’. Please note the picture underneath!

Looking forward to the weekend, I will keep you updated as and when.