This morning at breakfast Aaliyah was playing up and Mrs Snodgrass was mentioned! I have not spoken of her for some time now. Mrs Snodgrass is a fiction. Or is she? We don’t threaten the children with the ‘thinking chair’ any more, but the occasional muttering of the legendary Mrs Snodgrass generally has the desired effect. Be good or you might just end up at ‘Naughty School’! There is one other character that has appeared within our family history and that is Mr Strickland. He runs a summer camp for naughty children who act like babies! Again, he has not been mentioned in quite a while.
Thor got quite screamy at dinnertime tonight and threw his dinner on the floor. Tara and Amritsar piped up ‘Call Mrs Snodgrass Dadda, call Mrs Snodgrass’. I pretended to dial a number on my phone ‘Mrs Snodgrass’ I said.
We smiled. Remember that Mrs Snodgrass is a fiction. Or is she…
Morning sunshine spilled through a window as Aaliyah rolled over, too tired to open her eyes. She and her brothers, Thor and Caleb, had been up all night. Again. Dadda had told them over and over to be quiet and go to bed, but, as usual, Aaliyah snuck out of her bed, knocked on her brothersβ bedroom door, and they began to play.
This lasted until after Dadda fell asleep. This continued until long after the moon rose, and only when the birds started to cheep, cheep outside did Aliyah and her brothers run back to their beds and try to fall asleep. But an hour isnβt enough sleep, even for a young child.
And so, Aaliyah moaned and groaned as Dadda knocked on her door. βRise and shine, Aaliyahβ, said Dadda. βItβs time to get ready for school. Iβm waking up your brothers too, and weβre going to eat breakfast in ten minutes. Get ready!β Aaliyah said, βYes, Daddaβ, but she sniffed, snorted, and snored. Aaliyah wasnβt getting up anytime soon. Or so she thought.
Suddenly, she opened her eyes, and Dadda was looking down at her. βWait a minuteβ! he said. βYou have dark bags under your eyes. And look, your slippers are by the door and not your bed. And whatβs this? A toy in the hallway. I think someone was playing with her brothers last night and is too tired to go to school todayβ.
Aaliyah moaned and groaned. βBut, Dadda, we had to! We couldnβt fall asleep, and so we had to play for a whileβ. βAll nightβ? said Dadda shaking his head. βBoysβ! Now Thor and Caleb came stumbling into the room half-asleep. Both boysβ pajamas were wrinkled, their hair stuck up, and their tongues hung out like little puppies.
βThese boys didnβt get hardly a wink of sleepβ! Dadda said. βAll right enough is enough. Iβm calling Mrs Snodgrassβ. Aaliyah shook her head. βNo, Dadda, you canβtβ! βOh yesβ, said Dadda. βI can. And I will. I have no choice! Dadda marched out of the room, determined to fix the problem. βMrs Snodgrassβ? said Caleb. βWho is thatβ?
Aaliyah and Thor turned to him, both looking pale and wide-eyed. βHavenβt you heard of Naughty School, Calebβ? said Aaliyah. βMrs Snodgrass runs it with an iron fist. She whips children, puts them in dungeons, and makes sure theyβre never heard from againβ. Caleb laughed. βThatβs sillyβ.
Thor grabbed his brotherβs arm and pulled him close. βHavenβt you heard of Mrs Snodgrassβs Thinking Chairβ? Caleb shook his head. βIs it like Daddaβs thinking chairβ? Thor sighed. βOh no! Itβs the worst thing you can imagine, thatβs what! Once youβre in Mrs Snodgrassβs Thinking Chair, youβre done forβ! Caleb swallowed hard.
βAnd thatβs not allβ, said Aaliyah, βtheyβll make us eat porridge at every mealβ. Each of the siblings stuck out their tongues and held their tummies. βWhat a disgusting thoughtβ! said Caleb.
βWaitβ! said Aaliyah. βDo you hear that? Dadda is on the phone. Hurry letβs listenβ. Each of the children pushed their way forward, jostling to get close to the partly open door. βCanβt hearβ, said Caleb, and he inched his way out into the hallway. βThatβs betterβ. Aaliyah and Thor followed him.
βThatβs rightβ, said Dadda, speaking into his phone, βMrs Snodgrass. Iβll hold. Yes, Mrs. Snodgrass? We met some time ago. Thatβs right. I think my children need to visit Naughty School. Oh, enroll? Well, maybe just… oh… yes, of course, I understand. Well, yes, youβre right, maybe itβs time I decide for their betterment. Of course, so true. Iβll enroll them in Naughty School today. Yes. Three children, their names are Aaliyah, Caleb, and Thorβ.
And with that, he hung up the phone and sighed. Aaliyah frowned. βHe did it! He actually did itβ. Thor shook his head. βWeβre done for nowβ. Caleb got on his knees and clasped his hands together. βNo, Dadda, not Naughty Schoolβ!
And then Dadda stepped in front of them. He crossed his arms and said, βIβm sorry, children, but youβve left me no choice. When you stay up all night, donβt listen, donβt do your homework, well, then thereβs only one alternativeβ.
Caleb sniffled. βMrs Snodgrassβ? Dadda nodded. βYes, Mrs Snodgrass… and her Naughty School. So, pack your bags, we leave right awayβ! Suddenly Aaliyah, Caleb, and Thor dropped to their knees and shook their heads. They held out their hands like they were praying. βPlease, Dadda, not Naughty Schoolβ! they pleaded. βNot Mrs Snodgrass! And not the Thinking Chairβ!
Dadda sighed. He put his hands on his hips and scratched his chin. βEnrollment is today, but you donβt start until Monday. So, I suppose weβll see how your behavior changes from now until thenβ. βWeβll be betterβ! said Aaliyah. Caleb nodded. βOh, we definitely willβ! βYes, Dadda, no naughty school for usβ! said Thor brightly.
And so, the siblings tried their best to be good little children, just like their two bigger sisters Amritsar and Tara. Though, they needed a nap after such a long night. But, come the next day, there was a shout from downstairs. Dadda dropped what he was doing and darted down the stairs, nearly tripping and flying through the air. And there, Daddy was standing, speechless and pointing.
βWhat is itβ? asked Dadda, looking around for a lion or bear. βWhatβs wrongβ? But there was no lion. No bear. Not even a small dragon with smoking nostrils.
But there was Caleb, holding a tub of sudocrem. βCalebβ! said Dadda. βWhat have you doneβ? Caleb had somehow smeared his bottom and back with sudocrem. He looked positively a mess! As if someone had dipped him in a vat of cream from the dairy, pulling him out and letting him drip all over.
Oh, but there was more. Dadda turned to see a long trail of sudocrem on the hardwood floor. Splotches here and there, running back as if a house painter had drunkenly stumbled into the house. White marks were on the sofa, on Calebβs brother, Thorβs, face and arms, and even on the television! There were marks on the chairs and the dining room table. There were marks on framed photos of Granny Hazel and Grandma Jean, and also on the painting Dadda made for Daddyβs birthday two years ago. βOh myβ, said Dadda. βCalebβ!
βItβs time we have a sit on the thinking chair, donβt you agree, Daddyβ? Daddy nodded. Caleb said, βNo, not the thinking chair! Mrs Snodgrass has one, and they say it eats children! Dadda shook his head. βOh no, it doesnβt, but youβll be thinking about things for a very long time, Calebβ!
Dadda lifted Caleb high into the air, carried him across the room, into the hall and placed him on an antique chair. βNow, think about what youβve done and… oh my, think about Naughty School too would youβ? Caleb swallowed hard. βAnd you, misterβ, pointing at Thor, added Daddy, βYouβre the one who gave the sudocrem to Calebβ! βWell, I, uh…β Thor mumbled. Big sisters Amritsar and Tara were sniggering at this point. They realised that this was a serious situation so both headed for the living room for some screentime.
βOff to the thinking chair as wellβ! said Dadda. And Thor marched off, sitting in another chair, on the opposite side of the sideboard, slightly out of view from his brother Caleb.
Dadda turned back to Daddy, who said, βAnd who do you think got the sudocrem down to begin with? Who is the tallestβ? Now Dadda turned to Aaliyah, whose face was burning brightly. Whose eyes were cast down on the floor. βGo onβ! said Dadda. βOff to bedβ! Aaliyah ran up the stairs screaming, off to her bedroom.
βI donβt want to say itβ, said Daddy, βbut I donβt think we have a choiceβ. βWell, I already made the call, but I was giving them a chanceβ replied Dadda. βI think theyβve all had their chance. We have no choice. When little boys and girls are this naughty, when they stay awake all night, when they smear sudocrem all over the house and giggle…β Dadda nodded. βOh, yes, you donβt have to say it. Itβs time for Naughty School, Daddy because we quite simply, have no other choiceβ. Tara and Amritsar looked a little sad βBut we will be able to go and visit them β wont we Daddaβ? βOf courseβ replied Dadda, adding βAnd of course, they will be home for holidaysβ.
And so, it began. Aaliyah and her brothers would soon be off to Mrs Snodgrassβ Naughty School for Children.
Not too far away, on a hill overlooking the city, a dark, gloomy, prison-like fortress stood under dark clouds. Even on this, the sunny day our story begins, it looked as if it were an overcast day at Naughty School.
The Naughty School had been built, well, nobody remembered when it had been made. It seemed as if it had always been there. Overlooking the city with its dreary gray bricks, its tall fence that looked like a prison with barbed-wire and guards at the gate. The gate itself was wrought iron and several feet tall. It had the letters βNβ and βSβ emblazoned on it in a bold typeface.
At the front gate, there came marching down a thin, pale woman wearing a tight black dress. Her long dark hair was tied up in a bun. On her sharp nose were glasses that were far too big for her with lenses that made her eyes look wide like a fishβs.
This was Ms Bettina, who was Mrs Snodgrassβs loyal assistant. She carried a small leather satchel with her from which she withdrew a red book. It looked like a datebook, and when she arrived at the gate, in front of the uniformed officers in black shirts, pants, and boots, she opened the red book. βAaliyah, Caleb, and… letβs see, yes, Thorβ. The guards nodded. βThey should be arriving any moment now. Look sharp, menβ. The guards snapped to attention and saluted.
Another man came marching down the driveway to the gate. He was tall, skinny, and broad-shouldered. He had a long face with a square jaw. He was balding and he, too, wore glasses, but these were small, round, and wire framed. He wore a tweed jacket with patches on the shoulders and elbows and his pants were a few inches too short, revealing black socks with little red polka dots on them.
βAh, Mr Stricklandβ, said Ms Bettina. βIβm glad you made it. How was Baby Camp over the Summerβ? Mr Strickland frowned at her. βToo many babies,β he said flatly. The guards swallowed hard. Even they, along with the other teachers at Naughty School, were afraid of Mr Strickland, who also ran the Summer Baby Camp, quite, well, strictly.
βAs alwas, Ms Bettina, I am here to inform you that if you have any children acting like babies in this new school term, you are ordered to send them my way. This, of course, is a direct order from Mrs Snodgrass herselfβ. Ms Bettina scowled. She didnβt like Mr Strickland very much, but she knew she had to tolerate him. βOf course, Mr Stricklandβ, she bemoaned. βIβll make sure to do thatβ.
Now she turned to the guards. βRemember, send them straight to my office for intakeβ. The guards nodded, and with that, Ms Bettina and Mr Strickland left the front gate, going in different directions.
After a few minutes, a silver Mitsubishi Shogun 4 x 4 arrived and stopped at the gate. Inside was Daddy, Aaliyah, Thor, and Caleb. βIβm here for…β said Daddy, but he couldnβt get out the rest of his words. One of the guards held his hand up and said, βEnough! Aaliyah? Thor? Caleb?β Daddy nodded. βThatβs rightβ. βDrop them off here. Weβll send them to Ms Bettinaβ. βOh, well, I… yes, okayβ. Daddy opened the door and got out. He then opened the door for his children, and all three slowly, cautiously, ever-so-carefully crept out.
Aaliyah and the boys looked up at Daddy and said, βOne more chanceβ? Daddy shook his head slowly. βSorry, children, I love you and I am going to miss you, but off to Naughty School. Go on nowβ. Daddy said goodbye, gave them all hugs and said that he would see them in a couple of weeks.
They shuffled along slowly, and the wrought iron gates slowly creaked open. The guards looked down at the children. One of them said, βGo on now, that way. March! Weβre off to see Ms Bettinaβ. Thor turned to wave at Daddy, but the car had gone. Thor looked up at the guard who said, βNo more of that. March! Go on!β And so, they did, all three, Aaliyah, Thor, and Caleb, too, hurried up the twisting driveway.
Ahead, they saw the prison, sorry, the school, that is. Naughty School. Its gray bricks were covered with moss. A mass of ivy clung to its walls. Stone gargoyles looked down with beady eyes and sharp horns. There were tall windows that were cloudy and caked with what could only be smoke stains, though one guard mentioned that it was βfog from the childrenβs breath as they complained from sitting in the Naughty Chairs too longβ.
And in one window, high above, Aaliyah spotted two bright eyes watching. They almost looked like red eyes. βMrs Snodgrassβ! she muttered. βHey now, none of thatβ! said the guard. βNo talking! Off to Ms Bettina, you goβ.
The front door of Naughty School was embossed with brass and was covered with etchings of what can only be described as monsters chasing little children. And, once more, there were the letters βNβ and βSβ in a bold typeface.
Inside, the hallways were long and empty. Aaliyah saw a little boy, dressed in a black uniform, peek out from a classroom. But just as quickly, someone yanked him back inside with a little βyelpβ and the door slammed shut, nearly breaking the glass window. A blind was drawn rapidly, blocking Aaliyahβs view of what was happening inside the room. βWeβre doomedβ! she said. βQuietβ! said the guard.
And soon, they climbed a high set of stairs. Onto a landing, and then up to another landing, and finally to the third floor and an office that had big blocky black letters declaring that it belonged to MS BETTINA, assistant to MRS SNODGRASS. The guard snapped to attention and knocked gently on the door. The children gasped and gulped as they heard the click-clack of Ms Bettinaβs high heels.
And the door opened. There she stood, the dark-haired administrator with her overly large glasses. Her large, fisheyes stared down at the children, and her thin lips were snarling. βIn here NOWβ! she commanded. And to the guard: βLeave usβ! The guard turned around and left, leaving Aaliyah and her brothers standing awkwardly outside of Ms Bettinaβs doorway. βRIGHTβ! Ms Bettina shouted.
The children hurried in and piled onto three small metal chairs in front of an unusually high oak desk. Ms Bettina crossed the room, her footfalls sounding like CLICK, CLACK, CLICK. She climbed a small footstool to get onto a high-backed chair, and from there, she looked down over her large glasses at the children.
βBiters, pinchers, hair pullers, screamers, shouters, naughty, naughty childrenβ, she murmured. βMrs Snodgrass will not be happy at all. Oh no, she wonβt. Do we have enough Thinking Chairs for the three of youβ? Aaliyah raised her hand timidly as Caleb and Thor rattled their teeth and sat on their hands. βWhat is itβ? snapped Ms Bettina. βWha… what… what are you going to doβ? replied Thor. βOh, itβs not what Iβm going to do, little boyβ, said Ms Bettina.
Someoneβs throat cleared, and Aaliyah and her brothers whipped around to see…
A woman in her late fifties, dressed in a green tweed two-piece suit. Perched on her nose were a pair of brown horn-rimmed glasses. She looked quite like a School Head Mistress from 1954 come to life in front of them. βIβll be dealing with you three personallyβ! said the woman with a shrill voice. βMeet Mrs Snodgrass, childrenβ, said Ms Bettina. βThe Head Mistress who will do everything in her power to get every last ounce of naughtyness out of youβ!
Oh. My. Word. I am still laughing as I write this.. You guys are such a hoot! Can Mrs Snodgrass please don a facemask and make an appearance at our house, because I would like to enrol all my children, please? Lol. Too funny. I need time to think of a suitable comeback for this one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That has raised a couple of smiles on his end too! Thank you π so much Anna π
LikeLiked by 1 person
Andi, I loved your story about Mrs Snodgrass and her Naughty School for Children!
So funny and well written!
So, I gather the children are all acting like little angels now???
Thanks for the smiles! π
LikeLiked by 1 person
They are indeed Margie. Amritsar and Tara know she is a fiction! Well, 95% sure… where as we he little ones ate pretty certain she is real, well 95% sure!
We do indeed have a flock of Angels tonight, weβll sort of! Pyjama time – so no guarantees though! π
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wonderful π
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, I’m torn between feeling sorry for the children and calling Mrs Snodgrass myself! This was hilarious…I hope there will be more instalments!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, thank you for your supportive words Ingrid π
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve already told my kids about Mrs Snodgrass and they looked suitably worried!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thatβs so funny! π€£
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yikes! Naughty school is even scary for grown ups
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hehehe! I think that we should all be very, very good! π€π
LikeLiked by 1 person