This morning at breakfast Aaliyah was playing up and Mrs Snodgrass was mentioned! I have not spoken of her for some time now. Mrs Snodgrass is a fiction. Or is she? We don’t threaten the children with the ‘thinking chair’ any more, but the occasional muttering of the legendary Mrs Snodgrass generally has the desired effect. Be good or you might just end up at ‘Naughty School’! There is one other character that has appeared within our family history and that is Mr Strickland. He runs a summer camp for naughty children who act like babies! Again, he has not been mentioned in quite a while.
Thor got quite screamy at dinnertime tonight and threw his dinner on the floor. Tara and Amritsar piped up ‘Call Mrs Snodgrass Dadda, call Mrs Snodgrass’. I pretended to dial a number on my phone ‘Mrs Snodgrass’ I said.
We smiled. Remember that Mrs Snodgrass is a fiction. Or is she…
Morning sunshine spilled through a window as Aaliyah rolled over, too tired to open her eyes. She and her brothers, Thor and Caleb, had been up all night. Again. Dadda had told them over and over to be quiet and go to bed, but, as usual, Aaliyah snuck out of her bed, knocked on her brothersโ bedroom door, and they began to play.
This lasted until after Dadda fell asleep. This continued until long after the moon rose, and only when the birds started to cheep, cheep outside did Aliyah and her brothers run back to their beds and try to fall asleep. But an hour isnโt enough sleep, even for a young child.
And so, Aaliyah moaned and groaned as Dadda knocked on her door. โRise and shine, Aaliyahโ, said Dadda. โItโs time to get ready for school. Iโm waking up your brothers too, and weโre going to eat breakfast in ten minutes. Get ready!โ Aaliyah said, โYes, Daddaโ, but she sniffed, snorted, and snored. Aaliyah wasnโt getting up anytime soon. Or so she thought.
Suddenly, she opened her eyes, and Dadda was looking down at her. โWait a minuteโ! he said. โYou have dark bags under your eyes. And look, your slippers are by the door and not your bed. And whatโs this? A toy in the hallway. I think someone was playing with her brothers last night and is too tired to go to school todayโ.
Aaliyah moaned and groaned. โBut, Dadda, we had to! We couldnโt fall asleep, and so we had to play for a whileโ. โAll nightโ? said Dadda shaking his head. โBoysโ! Now Thor and Caleb came stumbling into the room half-asleep. Both boysโ pajamas were wrinkled, their hair stuck up, and their tongues hung out like little puppies.
โThese boys didnโt get hardly a wink of sleepโ! Dadda said. โAll right enough is enough. Iโm calling Mrs Snodgrassโ. Aaliyah shook her head. โNo, Dadda, you canโtโ! โOh yesโ, said Dadda. โI can. And I will. I have no choice! Dadda marched out of the room, determined to fix the problem. โMrs Snodgrassโ? said Caleb. โWho is thatโ?
Aaliyah and Thor turned to him, both looking pale and wide-eyed. โHavenโt you heard of Naughty School, Calebโ? said Aaliyah. โMrs Snodgrass runs it with an iron fist. She whips children, puts them in dungeons, and makes sure theyโre never heard from againโ. Caleb laughed. โThatโs sillyโ.
Thor grabbed his brotherโs arm and pulled him close. โHavenโt you heard of Mrs Snodgrassโs Thinking Chairโ? Caleb shook his head. โIs it like Daddaโs thinking chairโ? Thor sighed. โOh no! Itโs the worst thing you can imagine, thatโs what! Once youโre in Mrs Snodgrassโs Thinking Chair, youโre done forโ! Caleb swallowed hard.
โAnd thatโs not allโ, said Aaliyah, โtheyโll make us eat porridge at every mealโ. Each of the siblings stuck out their tongues and held their tummies. โWhat a disgusting thoughtโ! said Caleb.
โWaitโ! said Aaliyah. โDo you hear that? Dadda is on the phone. Hurry letโs listenโ. Each of the children pushed their way forward, jostling to get close to the partly open door. โCanโt hearโ, said Caleb, and he inched his way out into the hallway. โThatโs betterโ. Aaliyah and Thor followed him.
โThatโs rightโ, said Dadda, speaking into his phone, โMrs Snodgrass. Iโll hold. Yes, Mrs. Snodgrass? We met some time ago. Thatโs right. I think my children need to visit Naughty School. Oh, enroll? Well, maybe just… oh… yes, of course, I understand. Well, yes, youโre right, maybe itโs time I decide for their betterment. Of course, so true. Iโll enroll them in Naughty School today. Yes. Three children, their names are Aaliyah, Caleb, and Thorโ.
And with that, he hung up the phone and sighed. Aaliyah frowned. โHe did it! He actually did itโ. Thor shook his head. โWeโre done for nowโ. Caleb got on his knees and clasped his hands together. โNo, Dadda, not Naughty Schoolโ!
And then Dadda stepped in front of them. He crossed his arms and said, โIโm sorry, children, but youโve left me no choice. When you stay up all night, donโt listen, donโt do your homework, well, then thereโs only one alternativeโ.
Caleb sniffled. โMrs Snodgrassโ? Dadda nodded. โYes, Mrs Snodgrass… and her Naughty School. So, pack your bags, we leave right awayโ! Suddenly Aaliyah, Caleb, and Thor dropped to their knees and shook their heads. They held out their hands like they were praying. โPlease, Dadda, not Naughty Schoolโ! they pleaded. โNot Mrs Snodgrass! And not the Thinking Chairโ!
Dadda sighed. He put his hands on his hips and scratched his chin. โEnrollment is today, but you donโt start until Monday. So, I suppose weโll see how your behavior changes from now until thenโ. โWeโll be betterโ! said Aaliyah. Caleb nodded. โOh, we definitely willโ! โYes, Dadda, no naughty school for usโ! said Thor brightly.
And so, the siblings tried their best to be good little children, just like their two bigger sisters Amritsar and Tara. Though, they needed a nap after such a long night. But, come the next day, there was a shout from downstairs. Dadda dropped what he was doing and darted down the stairs, nearly tripping and flying through the air. And there, Daddy was standing, speechless and pointing.
โWhat is itโ? asked Dadda, looking around for a lion or bear. โWhatโs wrongโ? But there was no lion. No bear. Not even a small dragon with smoking nostrils.
But there was Caleb, holding a tub of sudocrem. โCalebโ! said Dadda. โWhat have you doneโ? Caleb had somehow smeared his bottom and back with sudocrem. He looked positively a mess! As if someone had dipped him in a vat of cream from the dairy, pulling him out and letting him drip all over.
Oh, but there was more. Dadda turned to see a long trail of sudocrem on the hardwood floor. Splotches here and there, running back as if a house painter had drunkenly stumbled into the house. White marks were on the sofa, on Calebโs brother, Thorโs, face and arms, and even on the television! There were marks on the chairs and the dining room table. There were marks on framed photos of Granny Hazel and Grandma Jean, and also on the painting Dadda made for Daddyโs birthday two years ago. โOh myโ, said Dadda. โCalebโ!
โItโs time we have a sit on the thinking chair, donโt you agree, Daddyโ? Daddy nodded. Caleb said, โNo, not the thinking chair! Mrs Snodgrass has one, and they say it eats children! Dadda shook his head. โOh no, it doesnโt, but youโll be thinking about things for a very long time, Calebโ!
Dadda lifted Caleb high into the air, carried him across the room, into the hall and placed him on an antique chair. โNow, think about what youโve done and… oh my, think about Naughty School too would youโ? Caleb swallowed hard. โAnd you, misterโ, pointing at Thor, added Daddy, โYouโre the one who gave the sudocrem to Calebโ! โWell, I, uh…โ Thor mumbled. Big sisters Amritsar and Tara were sniggering at this point. They realised that this was a serious situation so both headed for the living room for some screentime.
โOff to the thinking chair as wellโ! said Dadda. And Thor marched off, sitting in another chair, on the opposite side of the sideboard, slightly out of view from his brother Caleb.
Dadda turned back to Daddy, who said, โAnd who do you think got the sudocrem down to begin with? Who is the tallestโ? Now Dadda turned to Aaliyah, whose face was burning brightly. Whose eyes were cast down on the floor. โGo onโ! said Dadda. โOff to bedโ! Aaliyah ran up the stairs screaming, off to her bedroom.
โI donโt want to say itโ, said Daddy, โbut I donโt think we have a choiceโ. โWell, I already made the call, but I was giving them a chanceโ replied Dadda. โI think theyโve all had their chance. We have no choice. When little boys and girls are this naughty, when they stay awake all night, when they smear sudocrem all over the house and giggle…โ Dadda nodded. โOh, yes, you donโt have to say it. Itโs time for Naughty School, Daddy because we quite simply, have no other choiceโ. Tara and Amritsar looked a little sad โBut we will be able to go and visit them โ wont we Daddaโ? โOf courseโ replied Dadda, adding โAnd of course, they will be home for holidaysโ.
And so, it began. Aaliyah and her brothers would soon be off to Mrs Snodgrassโ Naughty School for Children.
Not too far away, on a hill overlooking the city, a dark, gloomy, prison-like fortress stood under dark clouds. Even on this, the sunny day our story begins, it looked as if it were an overcast day at Naughty School.
The Naughty School had been built, well, nobody remembered when it had been made. It seemed as if it had always been there. Overlooking the city with its dreary gray bricks, its tall fence that looked like a prison with barbed-wire and guards at the gate. The gate itself was wrought iron and several feet tall. It had the letters โNโ and โSโ emblazoned on it in a bold typeface.
At the front gate, there came marching down a thin, pale woman wearing a tight black dress. Her long dark hair was tied up in a bun. On her sharp nose were glasses that were far too big for her with lenses that made her eyes look wide like a fishโs.
This was Ms Bettina, who was Mrs Snodgrassโs loyal assistant. She carried a small leather satchel with her from which she withdrew a red book. It looked like a datebook, and when she arrived at the gate, in front of the uniformed officers in black shirts, pants, and boots, she opened the red book. โAaliyah, Caleb, and… letโs see, yes, Thorโ. The guards nodded. โThey should be arriving any moment now. Look sharp, menโ. The guards snapped to attention and saluted.
Another man came marching down the driveway to the gate. He was tall, skinny, and broad-shouldered. He had a long face with a square jaw. He was balding and he, too, wore glasses, but these were small, round, and wire framed. He wore a tweed jacket with patches on the shoulders and elbows and his pants were a few inches too short, revealing black socks with little red polka dots on them.
โAh, Mr Stricklandโ, said Ms Bettina. โIโm glad you made it. How was Baby Camp over the Summerโ? Mr Strickland frowned at her. โToo many babies,โ he said flatly. The guards swallowed hard. Even they, along with the other teachers at Naughty School, were afraid of Mr Strickland, who also ran the Summer Baby Camp, quite, well, strictly.
โAs alwas, Ms Bettina, I am here to inform you that if you have any children acting like babies in this new school term, you are ordered to send them my way. This, of course, is a direct order from Mrs Snodgrass herselfโ. Ms Bettina scowled. She didnโt like Mr Strickland very much, but she knew she had to tolerate him. โOf course, Mr Stricklandโ, she bemoaned. โIโll make sure to do thatโ.
Now she turned to the guards. โRemember, send them straight to my office for intakeโ. The guards nodded, and with that, Ms Bettina and Mr Strickland left the front gate, going in different directions.
After a few minutes, a silver Mitsubishi Shogun 4 x 4 arrived and stopped at the gate. Inside was Daddy, Aaliyah, Thor, and Caleb. โIโm here for…โ said Daddy, but he couldnโt get out the rest of his words. One of the guards held his hand up and said, โEnough! Aaliyah? Thor? Caleb?โ Daddy nodded. โThatโs rightโ. โDrop them off here. Weโll send them to Ms Bettinaโ. โOh, well, I… yes, okayโ. Daddy opened the door and got out. He then opened the door for his children, and all three slowly, cautiously, ever-so-carefully crept out.
Aaliyah and the boys looked up at Daddy and said, โOne more chanceโ? Daddy shook his head slowly. โSorry, children, I love you and I am going to miss you, but off to Naughty School. Go on nowโ. Daddy said goodbye, gave them all hugs and said that he would see them in a couple of weeks.
They shuffled along slowly, and the wrought iron gates slowly creaked open. The guards looked down at the children. One of them said, โGo on now, that way. March! Weโre off to see Ms Bettinaโ. Thor turned to wave at Daddy, but the car had gone. Thor looked up at the guard who said, โNo more of that. March! Go on!โ And so, they did, all three, Aaliyah, Thor, and Caleb, too, hurried up the twisting driveway.
Ahead, they saw the prison, sorry, the school, that is. Naughty School. Its gray bricks were covered with moss. A mass of ivy clung to its walls. Stone gargoyles looked down with beady eyes and sharp horns. There were tall windows that were cloudy and caked with what could only be smoke stains, though one guard mentioned that it was โfog from the childrenโs breath as they complained from sitting in the Naughty Chairs too longโ.
And in one window, high above, Aaliyah spotted two bright eyes watching. They almost looked like red eyes. โMrs Snodgrassโ! she muttered. โHey now, none of thatโ! said the guard. โNo talking! Off to Ms Bettina, you goโ.
The front door of Naughty School was embossed with brass and was covered with etchings of what can only be described as monsters chasing little children. And, once more, there were the letters โNโ and โSโ in a bold typeface.
Inside, the hallways were long and empty. Aaliyah saw a little boy, dressed in a black uniform, peek out from a classroom. But just as quickly, someone yanked him back inside with a little โyelpโ and the door slammed shut, nearly breaking the glass window. A blind was drawn rapidly, blocking Aaliyahโs view of what was happening inside the room. โWeโre doomedโ! she said. โQuietโ! said the guard.
And soon, they climbed a high set of stairs. Onto a landing, and then up to another landing, and finally to the third floor and an office that had big blocky black letters declaring that it belonged to MS BETTINA, assistant to MRS SNODGRASS. The guard snapped to attention and knocked gently on the door. The children gasped and gulped as they heard the click-clack of Ms Bettinaโs high heels.
And the door opened. There she stood, the dark-haired administrator with her overly large glasses. Her large, fisheyes stared down at the children, and her thin lips were snarling. โIn here NOWโ! she commanded. And to the guard: โLeave usโ! The guard turned around and left, leaving Aaliyah and her brothers standing awkwardly outside of Ms Bettinaโs doorway. โRIGHTโ! Ms Bettina shouted.
The children hurried in and piled onto three small metal chairs in front of an unusually high oak desk. Ms Bettina crossed the room, her footfalls sounding like CLICK, CLACK, CLICK. She climbed a small footstool to get onto a high-backed chair, and from there, she looked down over her large glasses at the children.
โBiters, pinchers, hair pullers, screamers, shouters, naughty, naughty childrenโ, she murmured. โMrs Snodgrass will not be happy at all. Oh no, she wonโt. Do we have enough Thinking Chairs for the three of youโ? Aaliyah raised her hand timidly as Caleb and Thor rattled their teeth and sat on their hands. โWhat is itโ? snapped Ms Bettina. โWha… what… what are you going to doโ? replied Thor. โOh, itโs not what Iโm going to do, little boyโ, said Ms Bettina.
Someoneโs throat cleared, and Aaliyah and her brothers whipped around to see…
A woman in her late fifties, dressed in a green tweed two-piece suit. Perched on her nose were a pair of brown horn-rimmed glasses. She looked quite like a School Head Mistress from 1954 come to life in front of them. โIโll be dealing with you three personallyโ! said the woman with a shrill voice. โMeet Mrs Snodgrass, childrenโ, said Ms Bettina. โThe Head Mistress who will do everything in her power to get every last ounce of naughtyness out of youโ!
Oh. My. Word. I am still laughing as I write this.. You guys are such a hoot! Can Mrs Snodgrass please don a facemask and make an appearance at our house, because I would like to enrol all my children, please? Lol. Too funny. I need time to think of a suitable comeback for this one.
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That has raised a couple of smiles on his end too! Thank you ๐ so much Anna ๐
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Andi, I loved your story about Mrs Snodgrass and her Naughty School for Children!
So funny and well written!
So, I gather the children are all acting like little angels now???
Thanks for the smiles! ๐
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They are indeed Margie. Amritsar and Tara know she is a fiction! Well, 95% sure… where as we he little ones ate pretty certain she is real, well 95% sure!
We do indeed have a flock of Angels tonight, weโll sort of! Pyjama time – so no guarantees though! ๐
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Wonderful ๐
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Wow, I’m torn between feeling sorry for the children and calling Mrs Snodgrass myself! This was hilarious…I hope there will be more instalments!
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Well, thank you for your supportive words Ingrid ๐
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I’ve already told my kids about Mrs Snodgrass and they looked suitably worried!
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Thatโs so funny! ๐คฃ
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Yikes! Naughty school is even scary for grown ups
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Hehehe! I think that we should all be very, very good! ๐ค๐
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