A Lot Can Happen in an Hour

Have you ever tried to blow up one of those long modelling balloons? I have lost my voice and my head is aching, I actually feel quite sick. All I wanted to do was lie in the sun and improve my suntan!

We had finished a lunch of ham, potato and mayonnaise on sourdough with a pickle on the side. After which the children seemed content with raiding the recycle bag and making spaceships in the kitchen. In the garden I lay for what might have been 30 minutes. Daddy had just opened his parcel that had just arrived this morning! Within it lay his new set of hair clippers.

The children all came outside with bubble wands! My oh my, Amritsar’s bubble creating has vastly improved since last year. Even Caleb seems to have suddenly ‘got it’! 10 minutes of bubbles and screamies, they then give up on that and decide to build a house on the lawn with the cushions from the outdoor sofas.

Daddy walks outside with hair looking as if Tara has hacked at it with the scissors as she did to her siblings 6 months or so ago! ‘Can you help me out here’ Daddy asks me’! I turn over to tan my back a little. ‘Okay’ I reply ‘in a bit, I’m still sunbathing’. He returns inside.

Thor comes out screaming ‘blow up my balloon Dadda’, holding up a modelling balloon that had been hidden at the back of the cupboard these last 12 months! They are Completely impossible to blow up! I try to help however, almost haemorrhaging as I do so. I remember the entertainer ‘Mr Muddles’ from the children’s party last year and try to stretch the orange coloured balloon as I blow. I surprised myself! The long balloon is now inflated and Thor is a very happy chap. Caleb now hands me a green one. I take a breath, my head hurts, I blow. Slowly it expands – then POP! Caleb screams.

Daddy comes back out, his hair looking somewhat improved. Only some length now on the very back. His hair is looking a little like a ‘mullet’ at this point. Hmmmm. ‘I’ll help you with the back momentarily’ I say.

I look back up, there are 5 modelling balloons of various colours being waved at me. They are all screaming.

Daddy tries to shape Thor’s first, orange balloon into a sabre / cutlass. Thor screams ‘I don’t want that, undo it’. Daddy can’t.

My head is still pumping, I’m a bit short of breath. Caleb shouts something and we all look at him. He stares at Thor’s orange balloon that is now lying on the table. It explodes with a very loud bang. We all look at him and then each other. ‘Caleb’ I say ‘you really have homed in on your ability for breaking things’ I can’t keep a straight face at this point. ‘It seems that You just have to look at a thing now and it explodes!’ We all laughed and laughed and laughed.

Anyhow, moving on. I have just helped Daddy with his ‘mullet’ in the upstairs bathroom. Now looking much improved!

So much can happen in an hour, can’t it? Gotta go, Aaliyah is now screaming at high decibel.

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A Gay Dad reflecting on life in the Shires of England with my not so famous five and two rapscallion Dalmatian hounds

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